there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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