So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
