you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
