I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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