Old men and throwing up are my life now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
