I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
