wanna go halves on a baby?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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