You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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