Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
