I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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