Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
