Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
