all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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