So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
