Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
