I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
