I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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