i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
