Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
