There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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