If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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