I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So much rum. So many feels.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
