i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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