Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
