I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize