I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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