just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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