dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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