thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
