he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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