i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We are two peas in an std pod
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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