I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i will never coherently bang her
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
