That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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