so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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