We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
