Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
