I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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