My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
