Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
