Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
