should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
