My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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