remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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