You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love having hate sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
