I can text with my tongue
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
