I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
