They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize