I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
