bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
