There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
