I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
