Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
