Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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