2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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