Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
