Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
