I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
