a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
its liver damage thursday
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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