Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
