I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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