i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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