it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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