3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
