I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
