I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
