i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
kristin has been a bad kristin
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize