I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
