There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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