if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
