if i can run in heels then i can drive
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
