He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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