Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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