First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
