where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
