he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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