I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
