tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
