If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
