Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
