I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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