We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
