Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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