Even the bartender felt bad for me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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