I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
