Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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