just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
