worst night to have a conscience
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
