We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
