Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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