shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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