billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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