filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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