Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize