Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
