if you like me you must not know who I am
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
