I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
