you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize