I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
