Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
