Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
